There are people out there in the world who either never read and internalized Maya’s wisdom, or don’t have the self-awareness to understand how their words and actions are hurting someone else.
Toxicity in relationships is something we all can relate to. Whether it may be a work or home environment, these stressful conditions can be detrimental to your success in any field and has been proven to cause many other long-term health problems. On the other hand, successful people’s ability to remain calm during stressful situations may be a direct link to their high performance. If you’re not a natural at dealing with stressful situations, the good news is you can learn to be.
The plasticity of the brain allows it to mold and change by practicing new behaviors. Fill your brain with these 10 techniques to help ward off toxic people and keep your stress levels low so that you can thrive in whatever environment you may find yourself in.
Be Aware Of Your Emotions
Maintaining an emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. When you learn to recognize your own emotions, you can better equip yourself with the tools to deal with toxic people. You might need to stop and regroup or you might be fine to proceed. But, either way, you will be in control.
Excuse Yourself From The Interaction
Let’s be real, your fight-or-flight instinct will probably kick in when unconstructive criticism is thrown your way, but reacting to it is the opposite thing you want to do. Instead, walk away by making a reasonable excuse such as: “Sorry to cut you off, but I have a call in 5 minutes and need to gather my notes!” Scurry off, put Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off on repeat, and let it go.
End the conversation
Again, when negativity is directed at you, don’t feed the fire by giving the toxic colleague the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead, give them a simple, direct, and non-committal response – my favorite is “thank you for your input.”
Make a neutral friend
There is always someone in the office who is consistently professional, kind, genuine and wonderful to be around. Find her, befriend her, and introduce her to your toxic co-worker in hopes that the positive influence will outweigh the bad. If not, you can at the very least upgrade your lunchtime company.
Respect Yourself
Don’t enable others to take advantage of you by making excuses for them. The more you value yourself, the less time you spend with people who don’t value you. If you make excuses to spend time with toxic people, you might have to evaluate some of your own issues. You might be dealing with a lack of self-esteem, which is attracting others of the same nature.
Establish Boundaries
This one may seem obvious, but it requires the most pro-activity. Just because you’re in a work or home environment, doesn’t mean you have to engage with that person. If it’s someone you’re very familiar with, like a spouse or co-worker, you probably have learned some of their behavior habits, which makes him or her more easily predictable. So, in the future, think rationally about when you need to engage and when you can walk away.
Realize It’s Not Personal
Most toxic people behave negatively to everyone they interact with, not just you. Even when the situation seems personal, it’s not. There’s no need to react to their negativity. If we react, we start losing power of the situation. Instead, be merely an observer of their drama, realizing that what they say and do is based entirely on their own self-reflection.
Focus On The Solution, Not The Problem
Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems you’re facing, you cultivate a stressful environment for yourself. However, when you focus on the positive solution to your toxic problem, you can reduce stress within your own life. Focusing on the solution puts you in control, which can create a sense of personal efficacy and boost your self-esteem.
Develop A Support System
You shouldn’t have to go at it alone. Besides, gaining outside perspective is always a good idea. Sometimes even simply talking out the situation with someone can foster a solution to your lingering problem. Someone might be able to see a solution that you can’t because they are not as emotionally invested.
Lead By Example
Sometimes, toxic people forget that there is another way to operate. Use your positivity to influence others to want to be more like you. There is nothing more irritating (and motivating) to a negative person than seeing someone succeed because of (not in spite of) her integrity, positive attitude, ability to accept differences and work with many different people.
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